THE COW THEORY....!!

WORLD IDEOLOGIES EXPLAINED WITH REFERENCE TO TWO COWS!


SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

PURE ANARCHY:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to take the cows and kill you

TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

PAKISTANI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. One is owned by US and the other is controlled by the Landlords.


A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains. Both go mad. The government doesn't do anything.


ENVIRONMENTALISM:
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.


DUBAI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a ' Cow City ' or ' Milk Village ' for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit and shady investors who hope to re -sell the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first to attract media attention.


SHARJAH SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You sell them to an investor in Dubai . The cows get stuck in traffic between Sharjah and Dubai and die. You have zero cows now.



ABUDHABI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. So what? We have Oil.

Update!!

PAVITRA-ISM:
You have two cows. They wander on the streets of Mumbai with all the other cows, stopping traffic (or directing traffic), leaving land-mines on roads, eating out of the garbage can and no one finds it weird..!!





WHICH SYSTEM DO YOU PREFER????????

MANAGEMENT LESSONS...!!

Hey Guys,
Heres something for you'll to have a good laugh...!! (useful too..!!)


Lesson 1:


A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"


Moral of the story

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time,you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


*********

Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


*********

Lesson 3:


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story

Always let your boss have the first say.


*********

Lesson 4:


An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


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Lesson 5:


A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,"but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.

They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story

BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


*********

Lesson 6:


A little bird was flying south for the Winter.It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of this story

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!