Pretense

The mask of pretense stings so much once your eyes are opened to actuality..

The realization is too agonizing…even though you’ve anticipated this all along…

It’s one of those times, when saying “I told you so” to yourself doesn’t give you that smugness and sense of triumph..

I’ve known this all along…..I’ve felt this all along… and that hurts even more when its proven to be true…

It’s like walking up a flight of steps in the dark, and misjudging the number of stairs…thinking that there is one more stair than there actually is…and your foot falls through air and hits the ground…It’s like a sickly moment…a dark surprise……That very moment…you readjust the way you thought of things….

Love me...

Love me, like a virgin cigar,

Burn for me, like a match you strike to incinerate,

Bleed, like the cut you just picked the scab off,

Hear me out, like the sermon given by the priest of a church you want to bring down,

Sing to me, like the silence screams its symphonies,

Find me out, like that angry reply on the tip of your tongue, but too vulgar to speak loudly,

Play me, like the game you’ve stopped playing coz of the lack of desire, not skill,

Grasp me, like the verses of a language you’ve never heard before,

Breathe me, like the air which is diminishing every minute,

Crave me, like a touch, so evanescent,

Taint me, like the truth, which never was, and in no way will be,

Talk to me, like that eccentric concept of yourself in the mirror,

Doubt me, like a cheap copy of myself,

Defy me, like the law you’ve made to keep yourself sound,

Judge me like the blemish you’ve hidden, even from yourself,

Miss me, like the desert yearns for the rain,

Regret me, like shattered time,

Erase me, like a verse that doesn’t rhyme,

Hold me, like a tree grasps its mature fruit,

Single me out, like that single drop of water that quenched your last flame,

Follow me, like that shadow in the obscurity,

…And, soar with me, into the sun, the light of which will never be enough to brighten up your world!

The Terrorist.

It’s astounding to see the uncanny resemblance between an ant trapped under an upturned glass and us humans trapped under the hex of own ignorance.

We get scared…we run as fast as we can…only to bang into glass walls…

This sightlessness is not the sickening part..

The lack of sickness is.

You say that grenades and slaughter mesmerize me.

You think that bullets piercing through flesh give me a rush.

A sick, abnormal rush.

But I say, nobody is innocent.

They die coz they are destined to.

They could have died crossing the road.

But its better that they do so my way.

At least now, the government can stare at their inefficiencies in the blood of ‘innocent’ cadavers.

No, I’m not another government-disapproving fag..

I am not being numb. I’m not insensitive.

I’m sad for all the lives that have been lost.

I sympathize with the relatives who have lost their loved ones.

I do not understand the pain the others go through.

Not until I feel it.

Coz my pain is far worse.

Coz every time I survive, I have another opportunity in this world that bleeds ignorance.

And it’s true, the frustration of ‘wanting to but not being able to die’ is far worse than dying itself.

No I’m not a maniac who is suicidal.

Death causes no pain.

In fact it’s the liberation from all pain and sorrow.

We all are going to die.

So why fear it..??

Why cry or be sad bout it..??

Why get scared of the inevitable..?

If you think you’re gonna live forever, you are hoodwinking yourself.

There is warfare every day : chemical, biological, emotional..

Why do you blame terrorists then..??

We kill someone everyday with our words…

We fire with our actions and intentions..

I’d prefer being shot and bleed to death than being betrayed into death.

We choose to be sick, ignorant people.

There is a terrorist in us.

And for the few fake saviors among us,

We see them on the news..

They claim to be our next door neighbors…

But if I don’t get a chance to meet them,

I would like to say,

“You think you’re doing great by fighting terrorists,

But what about the terrorist within you..?

You cannot run from yourself, can you?”

You might move around in bulletproof jackets and cars,

Stay in tightly secured mansions,

But what about the wounds inside you, that sickening void..?

I know you acknowledge it.

I know you wish that you had been shot by a terrorist you fought against before..

I will die one day too…

And we will finally meet above…

And we will talk…over coffee…

We will talk about sports and politics..

And how wonderful our coffee is..

And how it’s the right temperature…

Of course it will be.

It’s been brewed over the corpses of the innocent…

Tears and rain ---- Law of Gravity

The falling teardrop scorns the rain,

One falls for pleasure, the other for pain,

But they both drop down, and they both do die,

Under the starry infinite sky,

They start from grey, and they fall with grace,

One from the skies and one from the face,

One from the clouds, the other from the eyes,

As they strike the earth, their mockeries fly,

They fly in the wind, their bodies don’t rust,

They swim in the seas and sleep with the dust,

Euphemism then conquers, and the emptiness in their fight show,

Even if they bathe in the sun, and consume the sea, the voids only grow.

We are all equal, then why do we fight?

Who are we to advice wrong from right?

We are like water, small drops of it,

With the same white noise, on the ground we hit,

With a reminiscence of a magnificent fall,

and a splendid life, we never lived at all ,

The descend is their life and life is a fall,

Even though they survive now, die they must all….

What if....

What if I am thrown into a world in which I know no one....and nobody wants to know me either..?

What if I get lonely and there is no one there to hold me tight and tell me that its gonna be alright...?

What if there comes a time when even listening to your voice will be so very difficult to accomplish...?

What if I am not able to survive all on my own without you, and realize that I don't wanna live like this anymore..?

What if I do something crazy and try to run away....and you wont be there to snap some sense into me again...?

A few years may seem like a short time now....but its really very long when you have not even reached day one...

They say that if you truly love something, you should give it a chance to fail...

What if I'm really not ready to be tested as yet...?

What if I want to stop time and want everything to remain just as it is now....?

Is it wrong to dislike change....?

What if....

My Assassins..

Their dissonance in my head resounds,
And as I take my final breath, I hit the ground,

They are my coffin nails, meant only to rust,
A buoyant sabotage of my sickening trust,
A tune of dejection, a hew of dust,

They’re my cynics, jealous of what I’ve come to be,
And with a pompous distaste, they loom over me,

Their razorblade eyes, slice through my soul,
Their irksome presence, consumes me whole,

The sense of self in me, tries to swim against the powerful current, and is defeated within,
All the desolation remains carved onto my skin,

The tombstone of plastic they gifted me, still stands,
And it remains as a chronicle, while I’m scattered in the sands,

They, who are my self-proclaimed liberators, are the ones,
Who wound me with words through their synthetic guns,
All the way through the shadows, that they have created,
Their own hobbyhorse, that they fated,

I look in contempt, when I finally realize,
That sooner or later each and every one dies,
And they too shall collapse on the very sand, where my body lies,
Tolerance and loath runs out, but outcome never dies,

And then we all revisit, the same quiescent place,
Like broken sanguinity, we fall from grace,
We lose the battle, unmask our face,
And vanish like devils, without a trace,
From dust, to dust, I rest my case!

The Addiction..

Last night I made love to my first barefaced signs of addiction. 
With shaky hands I reached out into the darkness – where the hell is my pack of 20 ephemeral celebrations..?
Ah..there you are.
The lighter clicks and the lungs get a sting…and then –ecstasy!

It’s funny how the words ‘want’ and ‘need’ take a whole new meaning….a meaning not so innocent..
I laugh as I picture these words, in their new-found grandeur, bully the naïve and adolescent versions of themselves….the versions we learnt in school…

Its funny how we have everything planned out….behind all those expensive clothes and slick awesome hair… 

It’s funny how we end up coming face to face with everything we always wanted and the naked chance of losing it all in a blink of an eye…

It’s like window shopping and finding something you love and when you come back to buy it, it’s gone!

That very moment right there….when you are at the edge of the cliff…. And you have jumped off….Too conceited to contemplate on the outside….too frightened to search for the answers inside….

What if this isn’t meant to be? What if the habit isn’t the answer to everything..?? Would we risk everything on that possibility..?

Acknowledging the habit doesn’t come with ease…It’s like hearing the name of a person whose funeral you just attended a few days back..There is a new heaviness in the mind…in the heart..

Now, the part comes when you finally give in…Honestly, it’s quite overrated.. Once that step is taken the lines between reality and transcendence begins to blur… A terrifying, yet dreamlike surreal blur..

It’s like being in a battleground….your head going against your heart…and the habit as the referee… But you’ve already jumped….We are all in this together….yet, we’re alone…

But it’s too late now….You jumped off….
There will be blood….
That’s the price we pay----innocent blood..
Actually, not so innocent after all..

Now, pardon me while I light another…