You are never too old...!

Dream……dream big! You are never too old to dream a new dream.
Isn’t that a beautiful statement?
But why do people belittle themselves so quickly?
When you see someone dancing or playing the guitar….
You picture yourself before a live audience…you want to be a star…
And then the voice in your head takes over….
You start to think….
“If I were young now, maybe I could learn to dance and play.”
But now that you are older…..you give that dream away…
You curse your childhood. You begin to repent…
You promise yourself with all solemnity,
“My child will (has to) achieve all this for me!” You are hell-bent!
Why can’t you just stop for a minute and think….introspect...
Wake up….you are not dead yet!
And believe it or not you can still learn now….achieve more that you expect…
How old is old..?? 20? 40? 80? Why the sudden necessity to be all grown up?
Get rid of that oldie in you…
Crack a dirty joke….blow some bubbles…
Steal cookies….get into trouble….
Splash in the rain….Be a li’l insane…
Who said you’re too old..??
Get that idea out of your head….
Dream your dream and go for it…..
Coz if you don’t, you’re already dead….

CLOSE.......

So close,

But yet so far,

My arms are outstretched,

The blinding light guides me,

Who knows where I'll be lead?

All I can do is anticipate, that the end of the path isn’t far,

I now hold on to every vacant smile,

I comfort myself with all the lies,

I have no fear.

Why should I?

The next moment is ambiguous.

Courageous, I move through the crowd,

Their vacant faces try to entice me, drain me,

Every change might be trouble in disguise,

The world is cold, but warmth can be found only in you, my love,

You are a constant star,

Immovable---like the sun,

The steadiness of your love is comfort,

The uncertainty of life isn’t,

The silver lining is all but blinding me from the dark clouds that have gathered,

The wind blows with all its might and rattles my bones,

But the flame withstands everything, it burns,

The day is cold,

And the night, stormy,

Hold my hand honey,

Sit with me till the storm passes,

The battle is more reassuring when you have a hand to hold on to,

The razor sharp blades being right behind me,

Bounce off as long as you are with me,

Together we surmount the unbeatable,

Together we move towards a reality we choose….

SCHIZOPHRENIA

It was a late afternoon in 2006..I left my house to call you…

I really missed you…I love talking to you…

Why am I like this..? 
Why do I startle everyone…? 
Why do I offend ladies..?? 
Why do I alarm children…? 
Why do dogs bark at me whenever I pass by them..??

Why does everyone say that you do not exist….that you were never there…?


They tied me to a chair….poured cold water on my head….passed electricity through me…..

till I begged them to stop….

till I told them that you never existed…

till I promised to believe in their lies….

Why did they tell me that you haunted my mind….that you made my life miserable..?  You were the only one who gave my mind some stability…

When I came home, I saw the scarred reality that my life actually is. Why did your mending seem so fictional to them??

Without you, I don’t feel like myself. I feel worse than a cheap copy of myself.

So, I realized, if you can’t beat them, join them!

I put up an act, which worked better than I expected!

Now I tell everyone that you were just a fragment of my mind, I lie.

Now, I never look at myself in the mirror, our uncanny resemblance worries me. But I tell them I’m vain, I lie.

Now I am different to others. I make friends with little children. I smile at the women on the streets. I feed the dogs and pet them.  I am not me anymore.

I’m an illusion. But I wait for your calls though. I still believe in you, brother.  I still see you in my family photographs.

Waiting for you to show up some day, has made me a very light sleeper.

When you are here, I don’t pretend.

When you are here, my smile is genuine.

When you are here, reality finally starts feeling like reality again.

But they…..they will never perceive you like I do..

They will never understand…..no they won’t…

......

A sudden realization dawns on me,
My eyes are wide open, I start to see,
I see the truth, ornamented with razor sharp daggers,
Waiting to pierce my eyes, make me blind.
I was so mistaken, little did I see,
The world was never so sugar-coated as it had seemed to me,
Life is a circus, they say, full of phony clowns,
Putting on an act for you, but ever ready to pounce,
My eyes detest the reality that rests in front of me,
I yearn for the illusion I lived in, I wished this was a bad dream,
When my life was spiraling out of control,
I was falling into an abysmal void,
I reached out for help, I yelled and screamed,
They said they care for me, so they breathed down my neck,
They kept a watch on me; they noted what makes me tick,
They waited for me to weaken, and fall prey to their help,
Then planned to lock me behind my own scarred life, with the walls closing in brick by brick.
But,
I was saved from the terrible plunge, by a noble savior,
An assassin they sent to take my life,
A savior ready to pull the trigger,
I look into his ever so gorgeously intense eyes,
He looks into mine and senses my fear,
His gaze softens,
And the lion falls in love with the lamb…..
:D

I take a bow!

Blinding lights, deafening music. On this stage of fragile sticks
And all of you ahead.

And then here I am.

Your eyes pursue my every move.
Your ears soak in my every note.
Your heart beats with my groove.

Sigh. Look at all of you. Just another face in the crowd, so wretched you don’t even recognize yourself. Someone taught you to be my devoted fan, and now, you can’t even place a finger on the possibility of something else existing.

All I wanted, when I was young, was to leave an impact on your lives – make a difference.

And now, you shout my name, whereas I don’t even know yours.
You see my face in abstract things, clouds, coffee and even with your eyes closed, while I can’t even identify yours.

You dream of me all the time,
And I dream of new ways to hypnotize your soul, to con you, to make you fall in love with me, even though I can hardly love myself. I make sure that you look into the mirror, hoping you looked just like me, although I can barely look into one without cringing in pain. The pain that is ingrained in my conscience – which has gone astray, but is not dead.

I make sure that you want to name your unborn child after me.
Albeit I hate the word they call me by, I hate how it is in possession of me, and how it’s more dominant than me. A name, which just makes sure that you are blinded by my light.
Whilst I’m blinded by my ideas of myself, my aura of plastic- and its short life.

I want you to crave me. Like a fix. A group of eyes so blind and ears so deaf, that just cannot get enough of me. That makes you love me even though you try not to. It makes you sing my songs till your last breath.

I want to haunt your mind. So that you do not sleep. Just like me. My conscience has been sleeping for me all this time.
On stage, I am devine– unachievable, indisputable.
But I run away from the mirror, trying to lose myself. I hunt for the answers, the truth, which has been long buried six feet under. On stage, it is all about me– all that’s existent and all that is alive.

But when I am all alone, I don’t know who I am. I’m confused between reality and hallucinations. I am as self-doubting, as insane as you – perhaps even more. Actually, definitely more.

And I as take stage one last time,
I want to ask.

Do you want to hear me out one last time?
Will you yell my name and mask the music in your screams?
Won’t you give me that last chance to finally be me?


What is the matter?


Did you see through my disguise?
Did you read between my lines?
Did you grasp the deceit in my voice?

I guess the curtain has never really fallen until it falls one last time.
I should have known better, when I was just like you.

I was immature, but sensible; ordinary, but genuine; defenseless, but alive inside.

I guess it’s too late now.
The curtains fall, lights out.
The final show is over, I take a bow.
And remember to throw your roses with their thorns this time.

You

You are my soul, enlightened.

You are my vista, blinded.

You are my integrity, shed away.

You are me, yesterday.

You are my silhouette, in the dark.

You are my vulnerability, so very stark.

You are stillness.

You are noise.

You are my frayed poise.

You are me, conquered.

You are my optimism, altered.

You are music to my ears.

You drive out all my fears.

You are the mirror that flatters.

You are everything that matters.

You are more than I could ever be.

You are the only one I want to see.

You are my fascination.

You are my zeal.

You are my hallucination.

You are my fix.

You are the reason why everything clicks.

You are marvelous.

You are demonic.

You are frightening.

You are enchantment.

You are eternity.

You are everything to me.

My bizarre take on love

Paint me honey, with your colors of bliss,
For I seem to frown too much.

Hold me in your arms and never let go,
Coz my skin aches for your touch.

Cast your shadow upon my face,
Coz I’m blinded by all the smiles around.

Give my heart a motive to feel heavy,
Coz now it’s unbelievably light.

Come close to me and make my pulse race,
Coz my heart beats too steadily now.

Cast vibrant images in my dreams,
Coz I sleep too peacefully now.

Cloak me in your invigorating fragrance,
Coz the air I breathe is too pure.

Comment on my appearance,
Coz I don’t seem to care anymore.

Shield me from the world,
Coz I seem to be ever too ready to fight.

Give me a purpose to wake up each morning,
And scarcely sleep every night….

She.....

She either chatters too much, or too little. Sometimes she doesn’t talk at all for a few days.

She likes everything that’s green- the colour makes her heart beam.

She listens in on conversations at cafes and laughs to herself at how crazy people’s lives can be.

She never treads on tile joints on the concrete road, but she jumps with all her energy in every monsoon puddle.

She plays with every dog on the street and throws in a chat or two when she thinks no one’s watching. Come again?? FYI Dogs are great listeners!

She sings one line of a song again and again in her own personalized manner till her friends have to plead her to stop, but no, she still sings it-even more louder

She types with only two fingers…

She dances in front of the mirror, to the worst songs, that’s the one time she doesn’t wince at the sight of herself. She knows she can dance better than most people!

She sleeps with kohl in her eyes, and never steps outside her house without it. Ever.

She wears the same belt daily, though she has a superb collection of them, only coz it gives her good luck!

She listens to 1 song over and over for hours together one day, and hums it all of the next day.

She draws whatever she finds, and reads anything placed in front of her.

She likes the sound of awkward silences.

She thinks everything is cute and sweet.

She loves a little bit of mess in her room. Only then does it feel like home.

She washes her hands every 10 minutes. She hates it if her hands don’t smell of soap…any kind of soap.

She never wears a watch.

She follows football with a lot of enthusiasm.

She loves hot chocolate on a rainy evening, sitting by the window listening to soft music in the background, but she’d prefer to be outside getting drenched in the downpour!

She had a huge crush on Wolverine (not Hugh Jackman) and Captain Jack Sparrow (Not Johnny Depp). Deal with it.

She is fascinated by blood, death, fire and swords. But she is NOT emo.

She really respects quick wit, chivalry and expressiveness.

She has bad hair years!

She smiles unpredictably and baby-wide which makes her look like a mental patient!

She doesn’t have to be drunk to behave like a lunatic!

She follows her heart for everything..

She….

It burns...

When it rains, the world holds its breath,
Waiting for some possibility of magic,
I remember when such moments were spent,
When you and I drifted in and out of our sleep,
Waiting for them to pass, partly due to our conceit,
You and I had become a mockery to others,
But time heals everything you see,
Today, somehow in this sublime transcendence,
I realize, in some twisted way that I really deserve you, my love,
Your touch, your thoughts, it’s a contagious madness,
The sound of your breath, never failing to calm a storm,
Your breath on my skin, never failing to awaken that storm again.
It rains harder, and everything is falling apart around us,
We, insanely in love, smile at the destruction that surrounds,
If we died tonight, at least we would die alive,
It kills me how much I love you, how much I need you to stay alive,
As we stand here, watching the flames rise around us,
Gazing at the crumbling walls, enthralled by the beauty of destruction,
Feeling the heat, watching the amber glow,
Hearing the crackle of the fire, in spite of the white noise of the rain,
We smile,
There is a charm about dying in your own terms,
with the one you actually lived for,
Knowing that love cannot be destroyed with fire,
There is a charm about going insane together,
There is a certain beauty to burning,
Isn’t it?

The Joker

He had been staring at the mirror since the past 20 minutes. Every day at 7.30p.m, his act would begin. People loved him. He was a joker, you see. It was 6.45p.m. Time to put on his make-up. He had been doing this since the past 10 years with a large smile painted on his face. He sighed. Did anyone ever care whether he was actually happy doing this? He had faced a lot of problems in life, but he had to lock them up in a box and keep it in his dressing room for two hours. No matter how he felt, people wanted him to laugh, crack jokes and put up a good show. He was tired of this entire sham. He hated giving that fake smile. He fell into deep thought.

A mother doesn’t want to tell her children that the three jobs she is balancing aren’t enough to buy them food. She decides to sell herself.

A daughter doesn’t want to tell her parents that she is pregnant. So she laughs and smiles a lot until she gets the abortion done.

A husband doesn’t want to tell his wife that he has been fired. So he leaves every morning at office hours to look for a new job and comes home at the appropriate time.

Parents don’t want to tell their children about the death of their pet. So they lie about sending it to a beautiful farm.


He sighed and carefully painted the large smile on his face. As he walked out of his room and entered the ring, he saw his audience ------ mothers, daughters, husbands, parents, families. He realized, at some point of time, everyone lives a life of a clown. He was not different from anyone. He smiled at them and this time, it was genuine!

Putting my best foot forward!

LEFT FOOT FORWARD:
“I’m standing on my building terrace. I’ve decided to kill myself. I don't know what gave me this idea. But I’ve decided. There is no reason to live anymore.”

RIGHT FOOT FORWARD:
“I’ve been let down in every walk of my life. No matter what I do, how hard I work, I never get what I deserve. No one ever understands me”

LEFT FOOT FORWARD:
“I’ve lost the only best friend I’ve ever had. She was someone I can never forget, and I know there is nothing I can do to get her back. Maybe I didn’t take enough efforts to keep our friendship alive and now she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.”

RIGHT FOOT FORWARD:
“I hate being at home. Why is there always yelling and screaming for some or the other reason. Just the thought of coming home everyday kills me inside.”

LEFT FOOT FORWARD:
I’m at the end. One more step and I’ll be gone forever. This is it. Its gonna be easy. My final step to freedom. I begin to cry. Tears stream down my face. I close my eyes. And then, I see him. Someone who has supported me through thick and thin. Someone who has always been there for me, taken care of me. Someone who has loved me for who I really am and not asked for anything in return. I cry thinking about him. “I know it’s a very extreme step. But I don’t care anymore”. I remember the last time I saw him this very morning. He was trying his best to cheer me up. But I had ignored him, like I’ve ignored him all these years. I’ve been so selfish. I realise that I’ve always been loved. Funny, how I couldn’t get him out of my mind now. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for everything. I’m a little too tired. I think I’m gonna move now.”

RIGHT FOOT BACK!

Are we in control?

I was staring out of my bedroom window, day dreaming as usual. I was watching a pigeon cooing merrily, sitting on a bush. Suddenly a cat appeared out of nowhere and grabbed the pigeon and began eating it (Yuck! I know).

It made me think, was the pigeon destined for such a fate? What would have happened if it had decided not to sit on a bush and sit on a tree branch instead? My little brother unfortunately was sitting in my room. I asked him, “Does free will exist? Or is everything pre-destined?” I got a long snore as a reply. Humph.

I ponder on….A seed is destined to grow into a plant or a tree. But what if it gets little or no water? It might not grow into a big, beautiful tree it had been destined to turn into. It might turn into a dry and unhealthy tree. Some factors do govern its growth. Ok, enough of gyaan! :D

What I’m trying to say is that people tend to make mistakes. But they prevent themselves from making the same mistakes again and again, thus changing the course of destiny. People CANNOT learn from their mistakes unless they have the free will to change their behavior. So I guess we are partly in control, aren’t we?

I ponder on…….and finally fall asleep. I dream of crazy cats haunting the street – attacking people. But people react in different manners. Some go about their work as usual, some refuse to leave the house, some have an armor to protect themselves. I don’t know whether it’s connected to free will in any way. But it made me wonder, maybe it’s better to make a difference in your life, improvise on every task that is thrown at you. By merely existing in the world, flowing with the tide, it’s a real waste of free will, isn’t it?

I guess we are destined to do something. Our free will just fine tunes it a little bit!

Let me reverse the question a bit. If everything was according to free will, what should you be doing right now?

A Mature Conversation!

Hey Guys! I read this somewhere. Hope you'll enjoy it..!

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
Oh, I don't know', said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?'
'OK,' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea,'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?'

Hahahaha..!

Terrible Coincidence??

June 26th:

Walking down the street, they were behaving like lunatics singing “Blame it on the Boogie” by Jackson Five out loud. They were on their way home from a local club. It was 2.20 a.m. They were having a discussion about which is the best Jackson 5 song ever.
“Isn’t Jackson 5 dead?” She asked.
“No dude, Jermaine and Tito are still alive. I don't know about the rest” her friend answered.
Just two lines….uncanny isn’t it?
1. It was the first time they had ever sung this song together.
2. She accidently forgot MJ even though he was alive and his music immortal.
3. It was 2.20 am IST.
4. 2.30 am IST—Jackson passes away.

Eerie, isn't it?

Are you clumsy too…??

Sigh. I hate being so clumsy. Although I provide a funny incident and am a part of interesting stories in silent moments, I am not actually proud of it. In college, I have to bang my leg somewhere or trip over something. My lab coat always gets stuck at door handles resulting in broken buttons or torn pockets. And at least once a week I spend time sewing buttons on to it again. I cannot eat properly with a fork and a spoon and have to eventually resort to eating with my hands. I knock over coffee cups. I forget that my cell phone is kept on my lap and I stand up. I get shampoo in my eyes every time I take a hair bath. I spill something or the other on myself whenever I wear white. I have even banged my head on to a clean window! I have banged my shoulder onto door frames many times. The worst part about everything is that I laugh aloud when something silly happens to me. Not because I find it funny, but I try to hide my embarrassment when I do that. I have hit my head while getting out of the car and slammed the car door on to my fingers. I trip while walking almost every day. I have kind of desensitized my parents to loud bangs and crashes. When someone asks me how I got a bruise or a scratch, my answer is “I don’t know!” I can be elegant and graceful when it comes to writing, coz whenever I make a horrible mistake, there is always a backspace button waiting patiently for me. But in real life, I feel so ham-fisted and clumsy. I guess writing chose me instead of the other way!